Peking Duck…

I’ve been thinking about calling a Priest and having him perform an exorcism on my home, but I’m still not quite over the last time. <*Whispers* To This Day He Still Laughs At Me *Sniffles* & Tarragon Is Still Possessed!!! *Smothers Laughter*> Hmm, perhaps I should try my Rabbi this time around – he likes Tarragon…so far! *Laughs*

I have to do something before my house succeeds in seriously injuring me. *Nods Head* I accepted the fact that my door fell on top of me. <Okay, I Still Have My Doubts, *Crosses Fingers* But Sometimes You Just HAVE To Agree! *Whispers* When You See Them Coming At You With A Straight Jacket – AGREE!!! *Bursts Out Laughing*> What I don’t get is why every time my place attacks me, my head is like a homing pigeon and the object zero’s right in on it.  *Eyes Popped Out* Um, did someone install some sort of device in my head that attracts falling objects??? *Thinks* Nope, that’s no possible – I’d know if they did or would I? *Quivers*

*Yells* BUGS!!! Yup, he had them opportunity, he kept hitting me in the head  knocking me out *Shudders* has lots of needles a-a-and I don’t think he *Sobs* cares for me very much. *Wipes Tears* Oh, wait a minute – it can’t be Bugs *Shakes Head* he saw me after the door attack. *Thinks* Ah, actually he told me I was hit by a door! *Frowns* I’m beginning to think he lied. *Stomps Foot* That’s it Bugs – you are no longer part of my collection of Doctor’s!!! *Kicks Bug’s Butt Out Of Hospital*

That made me feel better, but I still have a problem – why is my home attacking me? *Dazed Expression* Yeah, I thought it might be Tarragon, but he was sitting on my lap when it happened. <*Whispers* Tarragon Would Never Put Himself In Harms Way & I’m The Only One That’s Ever Been Hurt By Him…*Looks At Tarragon & Shakes Head*> Oh, I should tell you what happened *Muffles Laughter* it has a lot to do with DUCK, but not so much the PEKING. <*Whispers* But, If You’re Good I May Be Able To Talk Princess Cilantro Into Sharing Her Recipe! *Yummy*> Hmm, now all I can think of is Peking Duck and why I don’t have one sitting in front of me to eat! *Visualizes Peking Duck* OMG, it worked!!! *Thinks* But am I the only one that can see the the little Peking Duck waving at me from the Moo Shoo Bar? <*Yells* Peking Duck Anyone??? *Listens* Help Yourself There’s Plenty For Everyone. *Stifles Laugh* And I Can Always Visualize More If We Run Out!!! *Smiles*> Um, I guess I should be extremely careful what I visualize now that I know I have this new amazing ability! *Beaming* Okay, while we’re having our Peking Duck I’ll tell you about the horrible think that happened to me. *Sniffles*

I was sitting in my office working on my business, Cilantro was in the window cooing at the birds and Tarragon was having a catnap on my lap – all was going well in “Spiceville” when suddenly it happened!!! *Shakes* A bookshelf and all the hardcover books on it came flying off the bookcase *Trembles* and like guided missiles attacked my head! <*Thump* Ouch! *Thump* Ouch!! *Thump* Ouch!!! *Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump….Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch…*>

Each and everyone of them hit me on the head, knocked my chair off it’s wheels, I went “Kerplunk” on the hardwood floor and that’s the last thing I remember. *Sobs* When I came to again I was in a puddle of blood and Cilantro was there with my cellphone calling 911 for me. *Smiles Sweetly At Cilantro* Yup, they came back again to laugh at me some more! <Um, Why Do I Always Get The Same Attendants??? *Curious* All They Do Is Laugh & Never Tell Me What They Find So Funny! *Mischievous Expression On Face* Oh, I Should Try My New Visualization Powers On Them!!! *Smiles At Thought* But, I Better Wait Until They Put Me Back Together Again. *Snickers*>

*Yells* Excuse me, are you just going to leave me here bleeding all over my books and the floor?  *Listens* Uh, you want to finish the Peking Duck first, *Rolls Eyes* but what if I run out of blood before you run out of Peking Duck??? *Looks At Attendants* You know I’m beginning to feel like Humpty Dumpty and at the rate I’m going soon all the Kings Horses & all The Kings Men aren’t going to be able to put me back together again!!! *Cries* I don’t want to be Humpty Dumpty *Sobs* you might forget to bring all my pieces to put me back together again. *Sniffles* I think I require all my pieces – that’s why I have them in the first place. *Wipes Tears* Oh, but you can keep my brain tumor THAT’S one piece I didn’t come with originally so I don’t need it!!! *Smiles*

All right, I’m ready to go anytime you are, but this time could you buckle me onto the stretcher and don’t drop one end? *Glares At Attendants* The last time I slipped off and you dragged me into the hospital with my head bouncing off the sidewalk before you even noticed. <*Whispers* If You Want More Peking Duck You Better Be Nice To Me – I Can Make It Disappear With A Blink Of My Eye & Turn You Into Pumpkin Pie!!! *Snickers Behind Hand*>

Back at my home away from home – the hospital! *Yells* Hi all, did you miss me? *Listens* You did, it’s so nice to be loved and your not laughing at me either, thanks! *Smiles* Bugs? No, I haven’t seen Bugs *Crosses Fingers* did something happen to him? *Looks Around* Hmm, that’s unfortunate *Muffles Laugh* I know how much he likes to practice his sewing so when my bookshelf attacked me I thought he could hone his skills on my head and this time he wouldn’t have to hit me with his sledge hammer to split it open. *Angelic Smile* Oh well, he’ll have to wait until next time. *Nods Head* Only one shelf of books fell on me, but for some reason I think the rest of the unit is just bidding it’s time before it attacks me too. *Frowns* BTW, does anyone know a Priest who can perform an exorcism on my home – it’s possessed and I’m positive it’s trying to kill me! *Trembles*

*Yells* My heads numb now, will the best seamstress here please stitch it back together before I get too light headed and faint? *Looks At Doctor* Hi, do you have samples of your work I can look at? *Listens* Why??? Well, since it’s my head and I’m bald most of the time I want to ensure I don’t turn out looking like Frankenstein. *Smiles* Oh, perhaps you can embroidery pretty little flowers instead of plain old stitches that would look so much nicer, don’t you think? *Listens* You’re right, it will take a little longer, but look at all the time I saved you from not having to shave my head first. *Smiles Sweetly* And you can use the pictures to start your portfolio. <I Brought My Camera With Me, But Please Don’t Tell  *Pleading Expression* People Here Have A Tendency To Steal My Belongings & Cilantro Will Be Extremely Upset If I Don’t Return With A Camera To Take Her Picture.  *Listens* Yeah, She Is A Princess!!! *Cracks Up Laughing*>

Okay, I’m ready anytime you are, um I’ve been thinking – can you do some vines to connect the flowers? *Listens* That works for me!!! *Grins* I’m going to close my eyes while you work, I don’t like the sight of blood very much especially when it’s mine! *Closes Eyes*

WOW, that was quick I’m done already? *Looks At Doctor* May I go home now?  No, I don’t have a concussion, I just have a horrific headache *Holds Hand Out For Painkillers* and would like to put an icepack on my head and have a catnap. *Yawns* If you’ll give me some painkillers I’ll be on my way. *Looks At Empty Hand* You want me to stay here??? *Shakes Head Vigorously* Uh uh, I am NOT staying here – there’s too many doctors that want to torture me!!! *Body Starts To Tremor* Really, I can’t stay here, I barely made it out alive the last time & I still need to find a Priest to do an exorcism on my home.  *Sighs*

Don’t look at me like that *Glares At Doctor* wouldn’t you do the same if your home was attacking you? *Stares At Doctor* Yes, I’m positive I’m under attack – didn’t you just put 28 stitches in my head. *Listens* Okay but, that was from only one shelf *Quavers* there’s 11 more just waiting for my head to be in the vicinity for them to fall on it.  *Cries*

BTW, you did a fantastic job *Admires Head In Mirror* the flowers, leaves, and vines look so much nicer than the stitches Bugs put in. *Nods Head* Um, did you happen to see a target tattooed on the back of my head??? *Listens* Hmm, I wonder why no one can find that tattoo – it has to be somewhere on my body!!! *Looks At Body*

OMG, it must be in invisible ink and THAT’S why nobody can see it except for inanimate objects, which keep attacking my head. <*Sings* Under Attack, I’m Being Taken, About To Crack, Defenses Breaking, Won’t Somebody Please Have A Heart, Come And Rescue Me Now Cos I’m Falling Apart…> That’s it, I’m NOT going back into my home until I find a Priest to come with me *Gets Hammer & Handcuffs* I’m going to the Chapel & kidnapping a Priest.  *Sticks Hand In Mouth* Oops, I meant I was going to borrow a Priest *Nods Head* I’ll return him as soon as he rids my home of it’s demons. *Sweet Smile* You don’t have to worry if he get tossed out the window *Crosses Fingers* it’s not a far fall, he’ll be fine.  *Grins*

Doc, you get my painkillers, I’ll get the Priest, and we’ll be on our merry little way. *Angelic Smile* Oh, you don’t have to worry *Smiles Behind Hand* I’ll be back – I’m a tad clumsy & I have a cat that like to break my bones too! *Looks At Tarragon* He’s a Certified Therapy Cat and likes to keep busy so you’ll still be seeing me on a weekly basis.  *Smirks*

Uh Doc, could I please have my painkillers *Hold Out Hand* I have the Priest in the trunk of the taxi.  *Eyes Popped* Did I say in the trunk? *Shakes Head Vigorously* Oops, what I meant was he’s in the back seat waiting for me and the taxi driver’s in a rush. *Rolls Eyes* He said he has a headache from all the banging so could I have a couple pills for him too? *Looks At Doctor* Oh, and I’m going to need a taxi chit – they gave me a really hard time the last time when I didn’t have one.  *Nods Head* Thanks!!!  *Radiant Smile*

Got to run, I have an extremely violent poltergeist I have to get rid of before he’s the death of me! <*Whispers To Self* When I Bring The Priest I Stole Into The House I’ll Be Safe *On Knees Praying* & My Blood Thirsty Ghost Will Attack Him *Crosses Fingers* Instead Of Me!!! *Makes Sign Of Cross*>

Oh, the Priest wanted me to let you know if he’s not back <Unless It’s In An Ambulance! *Smothers Laughter*> by the end of the day call for a replacement. *Fingers Crossed* The Pope beckoned him to Vatican City and you know what the Pope wants – the Pope gets!!! <There That Should Take Care Of That! *Muffles Laughter* Now, I Have A Priest Of My Very Own & No One Will Even Know I Even Have Him.  *Heavenly Expression*> Father, please be careful I don’t know where I can find a replacement if I lose you & I think the Pope is going to notice if I keep stealing, oops, I meant borrowing Priests. *Handcuffs Priest To Radiator* I’m doing this for your protection, I don’t want my poltergeist to toss you out the window.  *Nods Head* Yup, that’s my story and I sticking with it!!! *Cracks Up Laughing*